Eau de Authentic

Recently at the gym, fresh out of the locker room shower came a gentleman who might be described as a man from the old country – and I mean no disrespect by this. He grumbled a heavy accent. When he groomed himself before the mirror, he hefted a large glass flask out of his bag. Now he did not swig this kind of alcohol. Instead, it was the kind called Old Spice. And, wear it, he did by slathering so much over his neck and chest the locker room quickly became thick with the smell. I nearly crawled out the door gasping, “Air… I need air!” What’s worse, I smelled like Old Spice the rest of the day!

I’ll be the first to admit that, like our sexual preferences and tastes, what attracts us through our nasal passages is highly subjective. Some people like the fragrance of Gaultier on their person of desire with ne’er a hint of body odor. Many are allergic to artificial odors with congestion and headaches as a result. Still others prefer the bouquet of a natural person — the stronger the better.

When it comes to body, sex, and aroma, it’s all about attraction. These nearly imperceptible olfactory magnets are called pheromones. Throughout history chemists (legitimate and otherwise) have concocted love potions that were sure to enslave one’s true love. And still today it seems every few years some “new” fragrance will come on the market boasting the use of pheromones in its serum, “scientifically proven” to allure that special someone. Science is still sniffing out just what it is about pheromones that draws us to others, and there doesn’t seem to be a particular magic aroma that automatically ignites everyone.

That’s why it seems that pheromones are best used as enhancers – just one potent factor out of many that adds and highlights what is already uniquely attractive about an individual. For me, being aroused by a man and then to draw close to him, breathing him full into my lungs can be positively intoxicating.

So I have to ask, “Why all the cover up?” How is it that the fragrance industry rakes in billions? In some circles, a person can be so quickly judged because his authentic body odor is evident, “Oh, he must be from Europia.” But whose being duped? Whose shelling out the cash, not to show off what makes them unique, but to fall in line, to conform, and to stink like everyone else? I have no doubt that your unique aroma is the special fragrance that will attract the ideal person to you. But what if Prince Charming never catches “your drift” because you spritzed a half bottle of CK Obsession up your pits?

Despite my exaggerating for humor’s sake, consider going easy on the ol’ “smelling sauce.” A little goes a lot farther than you might imagine. That guy, covering his body with the stuff and forcing everyone in the locker room to share his “Old Spice moment” is as intrusive as someone blasting their boom box and enslaving everyone to a specific brand of music. Either way, he could very well drive more people away than attract them to him, the lil’ stinker!

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7 thoughts on “Eau de Authentic

  1. I love you for this. Well, okay, I love you anyway. But, you hit the nail on the head with this one. This is an issue that has enervated me since I was in junior high. And, it goes much further. There is artificial fragrance in nearly every consumer product out there. I honestly believe that many of the allergy symptoms that are prevalent amongst our population would disappear if we’d stop poisoning ourselves with the toxic clouds of “island breeze,” “fresh rain,” and “clean linen.”

  2. I am one of those that can’t handle the faux scent people tend to have bought into. It literally gags me. Some have hit the nail on the head and said I am hyper-sensitive. And they are right, but they are wrong in believing that there is something wrong with me for it. I hope society realizes their narrow mindedness and finally works through their issues before things run the wrong way.
    Thanks Jallen.
    Steve in Palm Desert

  3. Women do this too. I think we’ve all been taught that we smell, whether it’s an explicit or covert message. Companies like Massengill have made a fortune off of this idea.

  4. Ha, Jallen, this is awesome.

    I used to drown myself in AXE products. 🙂 But then my cheap gene kicked in and I stopped buying it because I couldn’t stand to pay $6/bottle for shampoo.

    Then I realized I should quit anyway, cause what guy wants to be in his late-ish 30’s in the Axe aisle? Not cool.

    Most recently I decided to stop buying deoderants with any of the aluminum type things in them. You know, the things no one is quite sure of how much the contribute to cancer or anything else, but we keep putting them under our arms. Cause, you know, that stuff might be bad for us, but it stops any moisture from being visible! No one must know that humans make moisture!

    The more I cut things out for my own health and wellness, the more I can see just how much we’re told we need. But we don’t actually need it.

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